i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
