shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
