he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
