currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
