it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
