I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
