yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
