Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
