Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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