I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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