i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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