it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
