New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
