I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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