Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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