I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
