I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
