thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
