Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
