True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
