I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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