Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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