i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
