I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How naked do you want me to be?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
