I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
