he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
