he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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