I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
