My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
