I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
