She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
