rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
