He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
