I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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