Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize