i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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