They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
