No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize