I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize