White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
