Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize