I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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