I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize