You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
