I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
