i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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