It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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