no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
