dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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