I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
