May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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