What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
