Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize