you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
