Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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