oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
