gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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