it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
