brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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