doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i think my mom watched the whole time
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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