Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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