She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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