On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
