If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He passed out mid-signature
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize