I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
