He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
