Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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