she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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