i would punch a child for taco bell
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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