I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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