imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
