Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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