sorry about calling you the devil all night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
