It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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