you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
