I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
