The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
