Porn is love you can see.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize