What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
