I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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