I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
